Facing Fear... One Step at a Time

Michelle Green - Success Story

What is your favourite outdoor adventure of all time and why? 

I resist the urge to write ‘Te Araroa’. Whilst it holds a very special place in my heart, the ones I keep coming back to again and again are the ones which perhaps did not work out the way I had planned initially, but where I experienced the most personal growth or learned the most about myself.

For example, the very first ‘proper’ outdoor adventure I had was hiking the Tongariro Alpine Crossing for the first time in 2015. At the time, I had never done anything quite like it (unless you count a particularly miserable trip up Mt Snowdon in Wales when I was a school kid). Mum and I made a split second decision whilst I was on a summer holiday from my temporary home in Canberra, based on not a lot of prior research (except having lived in Taupō for 12 years and many secondhand reports). I had no idea what I was doing, wore all the wrong clothes (lots of cotton!), the wrong shoes (at least one size too small) and was almost in tears by the end. But I came away with a sense of achievement that was undeniable.

A few years later Mum and I decided to attempt our very first overnight hike. We dutifully packed up all our gear into woefully inadequate 32L packs, and decided to head to Pouakai Hut on the slopes of Taranaki māunga. Despite asking for advice at the DOC Visitor Centre the day before, we somehow managed to end up on completely the wrong track, which became apparent less than 15 minutes in when we had to clamber under a very large fallen tree, and less than 30 minutes in when we tried and failed to make a very straightforward crossing of a simple unbridged stream.

We ended up changing plan and day hiking to the hut via the Mangorei Track instead in pouring rain. On the way back down Mum slipped in some mud, hurtled straight into me and we ended up facing backwards up the track on our backs struggling to get up because we were laughing so much. It’s a story we still both laugh about to this day.

What advice would you give to someone who is new to spending time in the outdoors or hesitant to start?

Everyone starts in the same place you are now. At one time, none of us had any experience - including me. You have to be brave, and take that first step. You have to decide. That’s exactly how I started.

Once the decision was made, I just had to follow through. So if you’ve already made the decision, you’re 90% of the way there. Now, you just have to start doing it. Start with something that’s simple enough for you (i.e. not too strenuous and not too long) close to home. Don’t rush into it. Slowly build up your experience. I started with very simple 1-3 hour day hikes. Take friends with you to begin with, and slowly transition to longer hikes and eventually solo ones.

Learn to make good decisions from day one. Always take all the gear, even if it’s beautifully hot and sunny outside. Hire yourself a PLB (personal locator beacon), even for ‘easy’ trips. And never, ever be afraid to turn around if things aren’t as you expect or the weather takes a turn. There is always tomorrow. Once you get to the level of overnight or multi-day trips, start by picking something easy, like a two hour hike to a nice cosy hut on a popular track. 

TOP TIP: Choose a bookable hut so your bed is guaranteed and you can take your time. We are so fortunate in New Zealand that there are so many opportunities to get into the outdoors very easily all over the country.

Lastly, join the Tramping in New Zealand Facebook page. There is so much knowledge there, people are incredibly supportive and keen to share their expertise, and you may even find a few friends to hike with.

What first drew you to the outdoors and how has your relationship evolved since then?

I have not always been an outdoors-y person. My family took a ‘summer’ holiday to Scotland when I was about 13 years old. I sulked the entire time. I couldn’t fathom why anyone would want to spend 2 or 3 weeks in a dreary, rainy, freezing cold country when the sun-drenched shores of Spain were only a short plane ride away! I wish I could go back now and tell that little girl how much she would come to love what she had once hated so much.

My love of the outdoors developed late and was inspired by an external influence (or two).  After struggling with anxiety, depression and PTSD for a number of years, and having recently been diagnosed with Graves’ disease (an autoimmune thyroid condition), I embarked on a health kick and in the process came across Sarah Wilson (the creator of the ‘I Quit Sugar’ franchise). Sarah also struggles with an autoimmune thyroid condition, the exact opposite of mine. Aside from ridding her diet of processed foods and sugar, she also swore by nature therapy & hiking.

It was through her that I remembered a book I had long wanted to read - Wild, by Cheryl Strayed. After finishing this book, I became obsessed with the Pacific Crest Trail. It seemed to me that this 2,600 mile odyssey would be the answer to all my problems, as it had been for many before me. I began saturating myself with it, and less than two years later I found myself 83 days into my own adventure on Te Araroa, which is really where my love of hiking and the outdoors blossomed (after some not inconsiderable effort).

Michelle Green, Bealey Hut, Te Araroa

My first years of outdoor adventuring were characterised by a grand sense of adventure vastly outstripped by a healthy dose of fear. I came very close to giving up altogether because I didn’t believe the personal growth was worth the mental battle I often found myself in prior to and during my trips. 

I would avoid going at all unless I could convince someone else to accompany me, and I battled on every trip especially when things didn’t go to plan or were harder than I expected.

Over the years (and because of the many battles I have overcome) I have developed a much greater sense of awareness - of myself, but also of the conditions around me - and I am proud to say that I now have no qualms about tramping solo (within a certain set of non-negotiables). 

My tramps are now no longer characterised by fear sequences, and I find myself taking more enjoyment out of each experience.

What challenges have you faced being able to spend time in nature and how have you overcome them?

Money and time are the single biggest challenges I have faced, especially recently. Running a very close second are my ongoing health issues.
There’s a common misconception that because the outdoors is all around us, it’s free to access. Whilst that is still mostly true, in reality, getting into hiking comes with real costs. Gear alone can run into the thousands of dollars. My own setup cost nearly $5,000, and that’s before adding in food for every trip, hut and campsite fees (yes, it costs money even to camp in a lot of places), and transport to your chosen tracks (whether private or shuttle). 

Plus, now that I’m based in the South Island, many tracks require a high-clearance vehicle just to reach the trailhead–which of course I don’t yet have!
Time is just as big a barrier. When I first started tramping, I had a flexible work setup and minimal financial responsibilities, which made it easier to head away on long hikes more often. 

Now, working full-time with ever-increasing bills to pay and less freedom to take extended leave, it’s much harder to make outdoor time happen, especially when my busiest times at work are during the popular summer tramping months.

Finally, my health has been a challenge. Whereas once I may have expected a flare-up every 2-3 years, now they occur almost yearly. Each time, it’s 5-6 months until I’m back to ‘normal’. A flare up involves a much higher heart rate than normal, palpitations, lethargy, aching muscles and joints, decreased bone density and general fatigue (to name a few). 

Coupled with my very demanding day job, this means that most of the time I am simply too exhausted to do anything spectacular. And when I do, I have to be very selective, make sure I have all my medications, and always be prepared for the possibility that I may need an evacuation at any point.

I’ve learned to make the most of what I have, and to learn to accept that I can’t always do everything I want to do all the time, but every now and again it is hard to deal with the fact that my body (and my wallet) cannot always do what my mind want them to!

What challenges have you faced while being in the outdoors and how have you overcome them?

It’s hard to list - there are so many. I’ve faced things as simple as having to deal with being cold at night in my tent, all the way up to having to turn around when the weather sets in on a trip or crossing very marginal rivers.

Some challenges are and will be personal to you - such as I have experienced with learning how to hike with my health problems, and even getting over my phobia of long drop toilets. Others could have much more serious consequences.

The way I’ve learned to deal with and overcome them is twofold: first, exposure. Whilst I don’t recommend putting yourself in the way of harm, if there’s something you know you struggle with, try to make sure you’re taking opportunities to get comfortable with it as often as you can, but within safe parameters.

When I was trying to overcome my phobia of long drops, I forced myself to keep going out on overnight trips, even though the fear often made me not want to leave the house. 

Or when I was trying to get over my fear of solo hiking, I started by taking very short overnight trips close to home on tracks where I knew I would definitely encounter other people. This helped to take the edge off.

Second, education. Learning how to make good decisions in the moment is incredibly important, and it’s often only this that distinguishes between a dangerous situation and a learning experience.

For example, learning how to safely read a river (and make the hard decision to turn back or wait it out) is a lesson which will 100% save your life at some point. I invested early on in taking a river safety course to learn more about how to read rivers and what they are doing, before assessing whether or not to cross. 

There are so many skills like this that you can work on in safe environments with outdoor instructors - take the chance every time you get one. 

You never know when it might save your life!

Can you share a particularly memorable outdoor experience and why it stands out?

The one that comes to mind is one that I’ve learned one of my biggest lessons from. Mum and I were on a weekend trip to Pinnacles Hut. I’d checked the weather beforehand but when we arrived and spoke to the rangers at the DOC visitor centre, it turned out we’d timed our trip to coincide with a particularly heavy period of rain. We decided to change our plans slightly (we were originally planning to return via the Billygoat Track) and press on to the hut anyway.

In the dry, the track was an absolute breeze. On the way up we passed two or three ‘flood route’ alternate tracks around the very tame-looking Webb Creek. One section involved crossing at a wider point, by walking over some large, flat, rocks in the riverbed. It was a breeze, and the creek a mere trickle.

It was 2am when the rain really started hammering down. It was still tipping by the time we set off in the morning. The first two or three crossings of Webb Creek were reasonably straightforward, and we didn’t feel the need to take the flood routes. I was nervous of these - having not long got off an attempt at the South Island leg of Te Araroa, I was very aware that sometimes the flood routes can be more sketchy than the main route!

When we came to the section of flat rock, it was obvious the creek had risen considerably, but rather than being too wide or deep, it was flowing much too fast to cross safely. I decided to leap across at a narrow point… and only just made it, teetering on the edge for a second before gaining my footing. 

Almost immediately, I knew Mum wouldn’t be able to make it (she’s much shorter than me) and as I went to leap back across to her, I also realised I couldn’t make it back. We were stuck on opposite sides.

Fortunately, I knew that Mum could backtrack slightly (less than five minutes) to the flood alternate. I dropped my pack and told her to start walking, and said I would meet her on the other side. But she wouldn’t go - she was scared of leaving me and being on her own. 

After a number of attempts to calmly explain to her that she wouldn’t be on her own for long, the deafening sound of rushing water and the rising sense of fear led the conversation to became heated and I eventually ended up screaming at her to turn around.

She went, reluctantly (and, I think, quite fearfully), but I never could get the image of her slipping and being carried away down the river out of my head. Now, if we find ourselves in a similar situation, we don’t do anything unless we can both do it together.

In what ways has spending time in nature impacted your physical, mental and/or spiritual well being? 

It’s no secret that the entire reason why I decided to start tramping in the first place was to improve my mental wellbeing (see my background section above).

I think it was Te Araroa though that really hammered this home to me. It’s easy to go out for a day hike, or an overnight trip, get a bit of exercise, and assume it’s just the fresh air that’s made you feel better. But there’s a lot more to it than that. 

For me, there is something immensely liberating about ridding yourself of the pressures and constructs of everyday life. When you boil life down to your basic needs - food, water and shelter - and you know all of those needs are taken care of, it’s amazing how much lighter you feel. 

In that sense, hiking Te Araroa and spending two and a half months away from any kind of societal pressure outside the fulfilment of those basic needs, resulted in probably the happiest times of my life.

In a strange twist of fate, returning from Te Araroa and learning to function back in ‘normal’ society again after having experienced this other way of living, has been far more difficult to deal with. In some ways, it has left me much worse off mentally than when I started - which is a crazy flip side that I wasn’t expecting.

These days, I have managed to find a bit more balance. I know that it’s not practical or feasible for me to be out in the wild all the time, so I spend my days working all the hours given so that I can get out whenever I can, however I can. 

I understand that immersion in nature is a necessary and regular part of my good mental health practices, so I prioritise it wherever I can.

What aspects of your outdoor adventure do you find most fulfilling and how do these moments make you feel? 

Being a creative soul, the most rewarding part of my outdoor experiences has always been creating something from it and sharing that creation with others. Especially when other people find inspiration in that.

When I started this journey almost seven years ago, I was only looking at Te Araroa and I decided I wanted to make videos about my progress in the hope that if there was anyone else out there who was also starting from scratch, it might help them in some way. 

All these years later, I have lost count of how many people have contacted me - not just to thank me for the information I’ve shared, but to tell me that had it not been for me, they may never have started in the first place.

I cannot explain what that feels like. To know that you have played a part in helping someone overcome their own hurdles (many of which are so much bigger than my own) and changed their life for the better as a result, is the single biggest thing that keeps me motivated to get out and do more, and to continue to share with anyone who wants to listen.

I don’t always get it right. And there is still so much more that I need to learn, but that feeling keeps me coming back time after time, even in those dark moments when I feel like giving up.

Has your appreciation for the outdoors influenced your daily life or perspectives once you’re home again?

I would like to say that my outdoor experiences have helped me appreciate the small things in life, don’t sweat the insignificant stuff etcetera. Unfortunately, for me, that has not been the case. I am not very good at maintaining a positive mentality, and that extends to not putting a lot of effort into mental and emotional growth on a daily basis. 

For me, the biggest impacts of my outdoor adventures come from physically removing myself from my ‘normality’ and throwing myself into a challenge. I am having to learn to bring the softness, stillness and peace of the outdoors more regularly into my everyday life.

That said, it certainly has given me a greater appreciation for how short life is, and how important it is to spend as much time as possible not just doing the things you love, but also with the people you love. 

I have had some amazing experiences with both my parents as a result of this chapter in my life, and I have made (and continue to make) lifelong friends, when historically I have struggled with this.

I am much more aware of myself and there is a lot more gratitude in my life since I began spending time in the outdoors than beforehand, and those are small gains ’m happy to take for now.

Is there a dream adventure you’d like to do?

I have an ever-growing list of dream adventures.

Of course, the first and uppermost one is the Pacific Crest Trail. Purely from the perspective that it was this trail that started the journey for me in the first place. If I can find a way, I will.

Then there’s the Camino, the Tour du Mont Blanc, the South West Coast Path, Everest Base Camp, the Kungsleden, Iceland, Canada, Alaska, Antarctica… the list goes on and on.

There’s a woman who recently spent a number of years walking her way around the world…

And those who cycle, and motorcycle their way around as well. I have interests in all these areas.

If I could map out the rest of my life, it would involve travelling (in whatever means), creating and writing about it, meeting like-minded people and inspiring others. If I could get close to that, I’d be happy 🙂

Your Story Can Make An Impact

Many of you have shared your stories privately with me, through direct messages, emails, phone and in person conversations. You are my inspiration and my superstars. Hearing the personal challenges you’ve overcome, how you felt before making a change, the positive transformation you’ve experienced and your outlook for the future are all inspirational. 

Now is your opportunity to share your Success Stories with the Freewheeling Kiwi Community so that in turn we may all be inspired by you. 

By sharing your story, you’ll help shape the narrative as to who spends time in our beautiful outdoors, you’ll influence others in a positive way and lift up our whole Freewheeling Kiwi Community. 

Your story will make an impact to the lives of others and this can only be good for us all. ❤︎

Sharon’s End Note

One of the pleasures of being an Adventure Content Creator based in New Zealand is the mutual support shared with other like minded creators. With our shared love of Te Araroa, creative backgrounds and desire to support others in the outdoor space, it will come as no surprise that Michelle and I are friends. 

While overnighting in Methven during our Te Araroa walk, our paths crossed in real life when Michelle took the time to drive all the way out to meet up with us and we spent a delightful afternoon, happily sharing trail stories 💚

Read Michelle’s Guest Author Bio Below

Michelle, Sharon and Andrew in Methvern during our Te Araroa resupply detour.

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